Do tell your favorite scene or line...make us relaugh the lovely creations of monty python.
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Tue, August 10, 2004 - 1:22 AMWell... she turned me into a newt
I got better -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Tue, August 10, 2004 - 5:21 AMShe's got huuuuuuuuuuuge.........tracts of land! -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Tue, August 10, 2004 - 6:47 AMWow! That's tough. There's so many.
"Who's that?"
"Must be a king."
"How can you tell?"
"'Cuz he hasn't got shit all over him." -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Tue, August 10, 2004 - 6:47 AMCamelot!
It's only a model...
Shh! -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Tue, August 10, 2004 - 10:11 AMHelp help, I'm being oppressed! -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Tue, August 10, 2004 - 4:15 PM"I fart in your general direction"
"But of course i'm french, why do you think i have this ridiculous accent" -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 5:00 PM"You're mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
....and all those mentioned above -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 6:02 PM"I told them we already got one"
"Well, when night falls Lancelot, Galahad and I will jump out of the rabbit and surprise them."
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 6:31 PMYou must return here with a shrubbery, or else, you will never pass through this wood... alive. -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 6:34 PM"All the people responsible for sacking the people for the credits have been sacked." -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 6:37 PMOh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen- and- a- half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us. Oooh. It is a lonely life: bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear. We are just not used to handsome knights. Nay. Nay. Come. Come. You may lie here. Oh, but you are wounded! -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 6:38 PM"oooh spank me too,I have been very very wicked!" -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 6:41 PM"and then the oral sex!" -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 6:46 PM"I don't need saving, I can handle this." -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 6:52 PMGOD:
And don't apologize. Every time I try to talk to someone it's 'sorry this' and 'forgive me that' and 'I'm not worthy'. What are you doing now?!
ARTHUR:
I'm averting my eyes, O Lord.
GOD:
Well, don't. It's like those miserable Psalms-- they're so depressing. Now, knock it off! -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 6:58 PM"No no...YOU stay with HIM...you get it?"
"Ohhhh yeah"
(then following him out)
"Where are you going?"
"We're going with you." -
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This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 6:59 PMBravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot.
He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Robin.
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin!
He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,
Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken,
To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin!
His head smashed in and his heart cut out
And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged
And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off
And his pen-- -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 7:01 PM"Ahhh...but what else floats?"
"Uhhhhhhhh...a duck?" -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 7:02 PM"Gravy?"
"Very small rocks!" -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 7:04 PM"All I said was that this piece of fish was good enough for Jehovah!" -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 7:05 PMWrong movie! :P
"Oh. Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!" -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 7:08 PM"What are you going to do, bleed on me?" -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 7:10 PM"Oh, King, eh, very nice. And how d'you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By 'anging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there's ever going to be any progress with the--" -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 7:11 PMTIM:
There he is!
ARTHUR:
Where?
TIM:
There!
ARTHUR:
What, behind the rabbit?
TIM:
It is the rabbit.
ARTHUR:
You silly sod!
TIM:
What?
ARTHUR:
You got us all worked up!
TIM:
Well, that's no ordinary rabbit!
ARTHUR:
Ohh.
TIM:
That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!
ROBIN:
You tit! I soiled my armour I was so scared!
TIM:
Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!
GALAHAD:
Get stuffed!
TIM:
He'll do you up a treat, mate.
GALAHAD:
Oh, yeah?
ROBIN:
You mangy Scots git!
TIM:
I'm warning you!
ROBIN:
What's he do, nibble your bum?
TIM:
He's got huge, sharp-- eh-- he can leap about-- look at the bones! -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 7:13 PMWe're Knights of the Round Table.
We dance whene'er we're able.
We do routines and chorus scenes
With footwork impeccable.
We dine well here in Camelot.
We eat ham and jam and spam a lot.
We're Knights of the Round Table.
Our shows are formidable,
But many times we're given rhymes
That are quite unsingable.
We're opera mad in Camelot.
We sing from the diaphragm a lot.
In war we're tough and able,
Quite indefatigable.
Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate Clark Gable.
It's a busy life in Camelot.
I have to push the pram a lot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, on second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place. -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 7:19 PMit's the basso profundo voice singing
I have to push the pram a lot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ha ha ha -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 7:20 PMAnd the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 7:21 PMOh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say 'ni' at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land. Nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history. -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 7:22 PMPlease! Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who. We are here today to witness the union of two young people in the joyful bond of the holy wedlock. Unfortunately, one of them, my son Herbert, has just fallen to his death.
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 7:23 PMCARTOON MONKS: [chanting]
Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.
CARTOON CHARACTER:
Heh heh heeh ooh...
[twang]
CARTOON MONKS: [chanting]
Pie Iesu domine,...
CARTOON CHARACTERS:
Wayy!
[splash]
Ho ho. Woa, wayy!
[twang]
[splash]
Heh heh heh heh ho! Heh heh heh!
CARTOON MONKS: [chanting]
...dona eis requiem.
CARTOON CHARACTER:
Wayy!
[twang]
Wayy!
[twang]
VOICE: [whispering]
Forgive me, for I have sinned.
CARTOON CHARACTER:
Oh! Oooo. -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 7:24 PMDefeat at the castle seems to have utterly disheartened King Arthur. The ferocity of the French taunting took him completely by surprise, and Arthur became convinced that a new strategy was required if the quest for the Holy Grail were to be brought to a successful conclusion. Arthur, having consulted his closest knights, decided that they should separate and search for the Grail individually.
Now, this is what they did: Launcelot--
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 7:25 PMthis whole damned scene is precious
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NARRATOR:
The Tale of Sir Launcelot.
FATHER:
One day, lad, all this will be yours!
PRINCE HERBERT:
What, the curtains?
FATHER:
No. Not the curtains, lad. All that you can see, stretched out over the hills and valleys of this land! This'll be your kingdom, lad.
HERBERT:
But Mother--
FATHER:
Father, lad. Father.
HERBERT:
B-- b-- but Father, I don't want any of that.
FATHER:
Listen, lad. I built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was swamp. Other kings said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So, I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp, but the fourth one... stayed up! And that's what you're gonna get, lad: the strongest castle in these islands.
HERBERT:
But I don't want any of that. I'd rather--
FATHER:
Rather what?!
HERBERT:
I'd rather...
[music]
...just... sing!
FATHER:
Stop that! Stop that! You're not going into a song while I'm here. Now listen, lad. In twenty minutes, you're getting married to a girl whose father owns the biggest tracts of open land in Britain.
HERBERT:
B-- but I don't want land.
FATHER:
Listen, Alice,--
HERBERT:
Herbert.
FATHER:
'Erbert. We live in a bloody swamp. We need all the land we can get.
HERBERT:
But-- but I don't like her.
FATHER:
Don't like her?! What's wrong with her?! She's beautiful. She's rich. She's got huge... tracts o' land!
HERBERT:
I know, but I want the-- the girl that I marry to have...
[music]
...a certain,... special... something!
FATHER:
Cut that out! Cut that out! Look, you're marrying Princess Lucky, so you'd better get used to the idea!
[smack]
Guards! Make sure the Prince doesn't leave this room until I come and get him.
GUARD #1:
Not to leave the room even if you come and get him.
GUARD #2:
Hic!
FATHER:
No, no. Until I come and get him.
GUARD #1:
Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room.
FATHER:
No, no. No. You stay in the room and make sure he doesn't leave.
GUARD #1:
And you'll come and get him.
GUARD #2:
Hic!
FATHER:
Right.
GUARD #1:
We don't need to do anything apart from just stop him entering the room.
FATHER:
No, no. Leaving the room.
GUARD #1:
Leaving the room. Yes.
[sniff]
FATHER:
All right?
GUARD #1:
Right.
GUARD #2:
Hic!
FATHER:
Right.
GUARD #1:
Oh, if-- if-- if, uhh-- if-- if-- w-- ehh-- i-- if-- if we--
FATHER:
Yes? What is it?
GUARD #1:
Oh, i-- if-- i-- oh--
FATHER:
Look, it's quite simple.
GUARD #1:
Uh...
FATHER:
You just stay here and make sure 'e doesn't leave the room. All right?
GUARD #2:
Hic!
FATHER:
Right.
GUARD #1:
Oh, I remember. Uhh, can he leave the room with us?
FATHER:
N-- no, no. No. You just keep him in here and make sure he--
GUARD #1:
Oh, yes. We'll keep him in here, obviously, but if he had to leave and we were with him--
FATHER:
No, no, no, no. Just keep him in here--
GUARD #1:
Until you or anyone else--
FATHER:
No, not anyone else. Just me.
GUARD #1:
Just you.
GUARD #2:
Hic!
FATHER:
Get back.
GUARD #1:
Get back.
FATHER:
All right?
GUARD #1:
Right. We'll stay here until you get back.
GUARD #2:
Hic!
FATHER:
And, uh, make sure he doesn't leave.
GUARD #1:
What?
FATHER:
Make sure 'e doesn't leave.
GUARD #1:
The Prince?
FATHER:
Yes. Make sure 'e doesn't leave.
GUARD #1:
Oh, yes, of course.
GUARD #2:
Hic!
GUARD #1:
Ah. I thought you meant him. You know, it seemed a bit daft me havin' to guard him when he's a guard.
FATHER:
Is that clear?
GUARD #2:
Hic!
GUARD #1:
Oh, quite clear. No problems.
FATHER:
Right. Where are you going?
GUARD #1:
We're coming with you.
FATHER:
No, no. I want you to stay here and make sure 'e doesn't leave.
GUARD #1:
Oh, I see. Right.
HERBERT:
But Father!
FATHER:
Shut your noise, you! And get that suit on!
[music]
And no singing!
GUARD #2:
Hic!
FATHER:
Oh, go and get a glass of water.
[clank]
[scribble scribble scribble fold fold]
[twong] -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Wed, August 11, 2004 - 7:29 PMFetchez la vache! Quoi? Fetchez la vache!
moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!! -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Sat, August 14, 2004 - 4:58 PM"Lancelot! Lancelot!"
Cut to Lancelot being cuffed...
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Sun, October 3, 2004 - 3:15 PMFollow, but follow only if ye be men of valor! For the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so fowl, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived. Bones of four fifty men lie strewn about its lair! So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage, or your strength, come nay further, for death awaits you all . . . with nasty big pointy teeth!
~Tim the Enchanter
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Sun, October 3, 2004 - 3:18 PMSir Lancelot: We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.
Sir Galahad: I don't think I was.
Sir Lancelot: You were, Sir Galahad. You were in terrible peril.
Sir Galahad: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.
Sir Lancelot: No, it's too perilous.
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Sat, August 14, 2004 - 8:07 PMFATHER:
One day, lad, all this will be yours!
PRINCE HERBERT:
What, the curtains?
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Sat, August 21, 2004 - 6:13 PMeverything the french say! they're so fuckin' hilarious... LOL
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Mon, September 27, 2004 - 12:27 AMAre you suggesting that coconuts migrate?
Not at all, I'm simply saying they could be carried.
By what, a swallow?
Could be, he could grip it by the husk... -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Sat, October 2, 2004 - 10:11 PMAnd what do we do with witches?
Buuuuuurrrrrn them!!
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Fri, June 3, 2005 - 7:44 AMIt's not a question of where 'e grips it, it's a question of weight ratios.
"How do you know so much about swallows?"
You have to know these things when you're the king.
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Unsu...
Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Sun, October 3, 2004 - 12:53 AMnot so much of a line actually, but rather an image...
coconuts and stick horses -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Thu, June 2, 2005 - 9:50 PM"or I shall Taunt you a second time" -
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Unsu...
Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Fri, June 3, 2005 - 1:59 AM"And St. Antioch raised his holy handgrenade up on high saying; Bless this oh lord thine holy handgrenade - that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.." -
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Re: Favorite Holy Grail line?
Fri, June 3, 2005 - 7:49 PM"Who climbs out of the badger?"
"Lancelot, Gallahad & I..."
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